Wanting to be authoritative in the bedroom but feeling shy or awkward? Looking to be dominant in all the right ways? Then you’ve come to the right place. Short, snappy and to the point this guide will explore 8 playful and powerful ways to own the bedroom without coming across as a jerk. We’ll show you how to be dominant whilst ensuring things stay consensual, sexy, and exciting.
Table of Contents
- Master the Mindset of Dominance
- Communicate Boundaries Clearly
- Explore Power Dynamics with Confidence
- Incorporate Role Play for Variety
- Harness the Power of Sensory Play
- Use Safe Words to Ensure Consent
- Enhance Dominance with Accessories
- Take The Lead: Ready to Step Up?
Master the Mindset of Dominance
First off, being dominant isn’t about aggression or being bossy. It’s about a calm overriding authority. Dominance starts in your head where confidence and intention are key to being in control. A dominant lover doesn’t bark orders; they command with ease and with a powerful presence.
Get into a dominant mindset with these steps:
Picture yourself as the star of your own spicy power fantasy—whether you’re commanding a boardroom or tying someone to the headboard.
Get to know your inner Dom—tune into their vibes, read the room, and lead with guts as well as grace.
Own the space—literally and figuratively. Posture and presence go a long way. Stand tall because nothing says ‘in charge’ like a killer stance.
Always remember that dominance is less about force and more about flow. A good Dom creates a space where play is built on trust and surrender.
Communicate Boundaries Clearly
Dominance doesn’t mean bulldozing over others’ limits. The best doms communicate and listen to subs. Honest chat before play begins will ensure everyone understands what is “yes please” and what is “no way”. Clear boundaries increase freedom because everyone feels safe, respected, and heard, meaning everyone can relax and enjoy.
Before play:
- Be open about likes, dislikes and limits
- Ask questions like “What are you curious about?”, “What do you want to try?” and “How do you feel about (X)?”
- Agree boundaries – what’s on the table and what isn’t
- Agree a safe word – using safe words in BDSM ensures play can be stopped quickly or slowed if needed
Explore Power Dynamics with Confidence
Power exchange is at the centre of how to be dominant. Whether it’s in the bedroom or part of a Dom / Sub relationship, stepping into that role requires self-assurance and a strong mutual understanding of one another.
Here’s how to explore it confidently:
- Start small: Light control over decisions like positioning or commands.
- Use language: “Kneel.” “Look at me.” “Wait.” Direct, firm words build the dynamic.
- Build rituals: A submissive waiting on their knees, or asking permission—these routines reinforce the roles.
Power dynamics come in all flavours—so have fun finding a style that fits you, whether that’s playful, flirty, firm, or a little cheeky.
Incorporate Role Play for Variety
Dominance doesn’t have to be serious all the time. It can be fun to throw a little role play into the mix and explore each other’s fantasies. Need some inspiration? Why not try being the strict headteacher, the seductive vampire, a commanding boss, an elegant rule or an assertive doctor.
It can help to create a basic script first, or you can wing it and improvise. Costumes and props can add extra spice but enthusiasm and tone are what really matters.
Harness the Power of Sensory Play
Sensory play is an underrated tool in any good Dom’s toolkit. Power over senses = deeper control without breathing a word.
Here’s how to start:
Limit sight: When you remove sight, every other sense is heightened, including touch. Sexual tension and anticipation are instantly increased.
Feathers, ice cubes, and silk ties: These simple items make things exciting by mixing different sensations—like soft, chilly, or silky smooth—to keep your partner guessing and tingling.
Impact play: A well timed spank can be the sexiest thing ever. Spankers and ticklers (always with consent!) are sure to increase intensity.
By controlling what your partner feels, and when, you create an immersive experience where you hold all the cards.
Use Safe Words to Ensure Consent
When it comes to any power play, consent and safe words are not optional, they’re essential. Agree one word that instantly tells the other person to stop, pause or keep going. A traffic light system is easy and effective.
“Red” = Stop immediately
“Yellow” = Pause or slow down
“Green” = All good
This use of colours helps play to flow and avoids confusion.
In order for safe words to work, they have to be honoured. Being dominant isn’t about ignoring your partner’s needs. A good Dom will always check in on their Sub and in doing so will appear in control, strong and trustworthy – further asserting authority.
Enhance Dominance with Accessories
Curious about the types of sex toys and accessories that could enhance your play? Let’s explore some popular choices to take your dominance to the next level.
Blindfolds: The ultimate sensory deprivation tool. Visually arousing, simple to use, affordable and great for any role play scenario.
Collars and handcuffs: Perfect for symbolising control and submission.
Riding crops or floggers: Ideal for those that want to indulge in impact play. If you’re new to this type of play, start soft with a feather ticker or padded spanking paddle.
Sex furniture or restraints: Spreader bars, under-bed bondage kits and sexual position enhancers can all create atmosphere.
Voice commands apps or playlists: For setting the mood and keeping control. Use sultry music to build tension or apps that let you give commands like “kneel” or “wait” for hands-free dominance. Tech meets teasing.
Remember to start simple, don’t go overboard or complicate play. Build confidence and as you grow, introduce new toys.
Beginner Dominance Accessories
If you’re wondering how to be dominant using sex toys, here’s a few of our favourites to inspire you.
Best for Building Anticipation
Perfect for building anticipation and creating sexual tension, the Sex & Mischief satin blindfold takes away sight, heightening every other sense. Meaning every touch, whisper, and movement will feel magnified for maximum pleasure. Create a delicious sense of mystery instantly and keep your partner guessing as to what’s coming next.
Best for Sensual
A pair of silky handcuffs are less intimidating for those just beginning their journey. Soft, flexible and sexy, the Bijoux Silky Handcuffs offer both comfort and control. Plus they double up for the ankles or a mouth gag.
Naughty but Nice
Want less of a romantic mood? Say it loud and proud with the Bound to Please Slut Spanking Paddle. Tap, slap or full on thwack… take your pick. This visually erotic spanking paddle is ideal for those seeking down and dirty play.
Best for Bedroom
Instantly transform your bedroom into the ultimate bondage playground with the Fifty Shades of Grey Bed Restraint Kit. Everything you need for full sensual body restraint – whether you’re at home or on a naughty weekend away. Uncomplicated, soft and comfortable– this kit offers the thrill of restraint with peace of mind of easy escape.
Take the Lead: Ready to Step Up?
At the end of the day, being dominant is like conducting an orchestra—you set the tempo, cue the moments, and bring every note of the experience to life with confidence and control.
Here’s how to stay in time to the rhythm:
- Stay calm and assertive—not reactive.
- Read cues—body language, breath, moans, tension.
- Be adaptable—dominance isn’t rigid. It’s fluid, intuitive, and connected.
Stepping into a power role requires presence and care. All good leaders need to be respected but trusted. When you have a presence, your partner will follow your lead.
Final Thoughts: Dominance is a Journey
You don’t need to be an expert in the world of BDSM, kink, bondage or role play to be dominant. All you need is a generous helping of curiosity, considerate communication and lashings of confidence. The more you explore, the more natural it’ll feel. And with every scene or session, you’ll learn what kind of Dom you truly are.
So, are you ready to step up and own your role? Explore our range of bondage accessories for beginners.
